SPD and Co-Sleeping

Jam is currently 4.75 years

I don't even know where to start. The whole sleep issue, especially in those early years, was so miserable and exhausting that I don't really remember any of it. Of course, back then, nothing was making it into long-term memory so, being dyspraxic, I already knew to write it down or lose it forever!

And so I did. I kept a daily journal of Jam's first few years which ended up being real handy when his diagnosis time came around. And it continues today in the form of daily emails I send to his dad and grandparents so they can keep up on his days.

But back to the sleep thing...

It took Jam forever to go down at night. Hours of swaddling and pacing and rocking. The witching hour where he would cry inconsolably for no apparent reason from 5pm to 6pm daily. He'd wake if you tried to lay him in the crib. He'd wake if the car stopped. He'd wake through the night. He'd wake early in the morning. We went through countless variations of sleeping arrangements- co-sleeper bassinets, sidecar cribs, couches, mattresses on the floor. And in between all of that, countless variations in routine- no noise, white noise, no lights, night lights, epsom baths, stories, songs. Pace, pace, pace. Rock, rock, rock. We read all the advice, took classes and even hired a private sleep consultant.

When Jam was three, we tried weighted blankets and melatonin. He felt 'crushed' under the weight of the blanket and moaned that the melatonin was 'freezing his brain' as he involuntarily slipped under. We lasted three days before throwing the melatonin out.

He could never sleep on his own throughout the night. Knowing even the gentlest method of 'cry it out' was not for us, when he woke in the middle of the night, I would move into his room and sleep with him on his mattress. For three years. And this is how we all finally got some semblance of sleep. Albeit crappy sleep.

In hindsight, it all makes sense. His SPD brain took forever to wind down at the end of the day. His gravitational insecurity alerted him awake if suddenly shifted into a horizontal position. He always needed to clutch Matchbox trucks in his fists. To this day, he needs to be touching someone with his foot while sleeping to know where he is in space.

Our 'miracle cure' arrived one night when he was 3 1/2 and had come down with a bad cold. He was miserable and wanted to sleep in our bed- something he'd never asked to do before. And we agreed to it. And got the first full night of uninterrupted sleep ever. Ever. It's been more than a year now that Jam's been sleeping with us and we're all getting a good night's sleep. He falls asleep within ten minutes with me lying next to him and the only time he wakes in the night is when he feels sick and is about to puke. And, not surprisingly, it was right around then that we started seeing a less-anxious Jam make more progress on the skills front.

It's not all sunshine and roses. Our bed is a queen size and my husband is 6' 5". It took six months for him to adjust to sleeping on his sliver of the bed and to get used to a third presence. But he's the one  'oohing' and 'aahhing' over a sleeping Jam every night before cuddling up and closing his own eyes. It's definitely brought them closer. And the upside is that we always know when Jam has had a bad night of sleep for whatever reason and can plan the next day accordingly.

I know it won't last forever. I don't want it to last forever. One day he'll be back in his own room two feet across the hall in our very tiny house. Heck, one day he'll be in his own house. But until then, I sleep, safe sound and secure, next to the two most important beings on this earth to me.