Temporary Hiatus

Jam is currently 5 years old. 

My attentions need to be focused elsewhere for the foreseeable future.

Sigh...  I really like spending time here. But there are higher priorities right now.

Hopefully, I'll be back soon.

In the meantime, please feel free to email me if there's anything I can help you with!

~ Heidi

Dyspraxia, SPD and the Importance of Friends

Jam is currently 5 years old. 

Jam's best friend, B, was over to play today. Up until a few months ago, when B started kindergarten, they'd been getting together at least twice a week. It helps that they're the same age, have known each other since babyhood, live close and have similar temperaments. They even share some SPD and anxiety traits.

I am so entirely grateful that Jam and B have had each other for these years. They have a lot in common and it's been a mutually beneficial experience.

Something they don't have in common is dyspraxia. Because Jam is dyspraxic and B is not. B runs, B climbs, B is quick and B puts together complete Lego sets in a flash. Jam doesn't do those things. Instead, Jam makes up detailed imaginative play scenarios, Jam uses words and concepts beyond his years, and Jam easily holds his own in conversations with adults. B doesn't do those things. 

And, somehow, they've managed to meet in the middle and have tons of fun playing for hours on end. But, as they've aged, the differences are asserting themselves more and that common middle ground is shrinking.

Add to that a lot less available time in a week for playdates now. B is in school until the afternoon and needs time to decompress afterwards. And it just happens that Jam's therapies schedule has moved primarily to afternoons. We have one weekday afternoon open for playdates. When we first moved to an afternoon appointment schedule, I thought it would be great. Jam does best when he has those first hours in a day to be non-rushed and to just play and do whatever interests him. The cost for that, though, has been a sharp decrease in playtime with B.

And it worries me.

It worries me because I see my son losing his best friend. I see Jam confused that B is not interested in pretending to be super heroes anymore. I see B becoming more impatient with Jam's slow pace in all things. And I see B's frustration that Jam doesn't like playground games. They're losing each other. And I suppose that's to be expected as they get old enough to find and play with friends of their own choosing and not the ones their parents chose for them.

But B, having started kindergarten and skilled in all things athletic, has excellent opportunities for finding new and compatible friends. Jam, a bit less so.

The dyspraxia limits his willing participation in playground games that often involve running, chasing and climbing. He is quickly left behind and excluded. And the SPD affects the places he's willing to go and activities he's willing to do. No loud kid-friendly music concerts. No crowded festivals or fairs or pumpkin patch field trips. Last year, B's parents opted against holding B's birthday party at one of those bouncy house places because Jam didn't want to go.

The thing is that friends are really, really important. Especially for kids like Jam. Long-term outcomes for non-neurotypical kids like Jam show higher rates of depression, addiction, incarceration and suicide. Studies show better long-term outcomes for at-risk kids with successful peer relationships, meaning friends.

Which is exactly what non-neurotypical kids like Jam have challenges with. The making and keeping of friends. Hence the push for building social skills in non-NT kids. The kids who need friends the most have a harder time getting them.

(On a positive note, though, one study suggests that even one close friend influences long-term outcomes beneficially.)

So while Jam is many years away from those long-term outcomes, I keep all of this in mind now. And it influences what we do now. Such as re-arranging our schedules when a last-minute, but exciting social opportunity comes up. And discarding our long-held rule about weekends being reserved for family time only. And thinking up new and fun suggestions for how Jam and B can play together that involves both their interests. And always being on the lookout for ways Jam can meet new friends. And always keeping that one afternoon open specifically for playdates.

All of this takes a lot of work and energy, especially to keep Jam's social needs balanced with our introvert needs. But it's been well worth it so far.

Jam's Development Plan- Fourth Quarter, 2013

Jam is currently 5 years old.

With most of his friends starting kindergarten recently, it's got me thinking about what we're doing with Jam in terms of development.  Actually, it's something I'm *always* thinking about and have always had solid long-term ideas and plans in my head but I've never organized and written them down formally before.

Jam turned 5 a few months ago and is still in his foundation years- learning, practicing and building up the skills he'll need later for more sophisticated development and learning. It's really important to me to plan beyond the short-term for him and keep in mind the very long-term skills he's going to need- for him to actually thrive and not just survive or get by.

I think that can best be achieved using an approach focusing on his strengths which are his creative imagination, global thinking and interest in many different topics, rather than on his areas of challenge. And always keeping in mind that he's an introverted, sensitive, quite strong-willed kid.

There are five areas I focus on (in no particular order as they're all important)- Social, Physical, Emotional, Intellectual and Self-Care. And here are the ways we're addressing them for the fourth quarter of 2013:

Social: 
* he's taking a kindergarten prep/social skills building class for a few hours two times a week where he can get more comfortable being around kids his age and put into practice cooperation, compromise and conflict resolution skills. He's expressed enough interest in making friends that I feel he's mentally ready for this. And it's an art-based class so good for more motor skills development.
* he's also taking a weekly drama class led by his former preschool teacher for the same social skills building reasons above. Plus he loves imaginative pretend play like this so I think it will be easier for him to succeed.
* we'll continue with weekly playdates with his 3 to 4 closest friends.

Physical:
Jam will continue with his weekly:

* horseback physical therapy (hippotherapy)
* integrated movement physical therapy
* free play gymnastics (since it's the last year he's eligible to attend)
* non-formal swimming time

This all helps in coordinating his body and brain to work together and also for motor planning (due to the dyspraxia). And works on his overall strength, endurance and stamina (due to hypotonia).

Emotional:
We'll also continue to work daily on:

* flexible thinking strategies
* developing coping skills for anxiety and perfectionism
* becoming more self-aware of what he's feeling and what he needs
* communicating those things to us and others (self-advocacy)

Intellectual:
* continue working on his hand strength in preparation for handwriting/letter formation- more scissor work, gluing, tracing
* continue with light exposure to the alphabet (as his interest level dictates)
* a slightly more focused approach to numbers recognition (since he seems to be interested)
* puzzles and mazes
* introduce more breadth of possible topics of interest through books and videos. He's not too interested in depth and details yet.

Self-Care:
* work on completing toilet training, especially in regards to his functional constipation (this is a big one and includes getting the doctor involved again. Sigh….)
* get back to working on getting his socks and shoes on by himself and also being more involved with dressing himself
* work on having him willingly do more things for himself as they get easier physically

NOTE: All subject to change without notice!    ;)

You've probably noticed that there aren't many specific goals with measurable results. The kid is only 5! Having problems with perfectionism, the whole 'goals and results' game would just be setting us up for failure. I'm not driving Jam or myself crazy with that stuff yet (if ever).

Really, these are more like guidelines to visit and re-evaluate every few months to get an idea on where Jam's at, what's been working and what hasn't. Because Jam has dyspraxia and SPD issues, it's important to remember that all these things that we do require an enormous amount of his effort and energy. And he still needs a huge amount of downtime in order to avoid heightened anxieties, intensities and resulting behavior problems (which we have not had in a long time). So I'm always reminding myself of this when those doubts creep in about not 'doing enough' or progressing 'fast enough'.

My only real goal right now is to maintain the daily rhythm that works for us which has enabled him to come as far as he has.